Never Too Late

It is never too late to apologize.

I had this thought a couple of weeks ago at a high school talent show. Not because I thought the performers should apologize, although, as I listened to the mixed a Capella choir slide off pitch and fall into an abyss, I tried to focus on the words they were singing rather than the fact each singer was in a different key. They hung in there and kept performing.

It's too late to apologize....

A pretty song but no, One Republic, I'm afraid I disagree. It is never too late to apologize. A sincere apology, no matter when it is offered, it better than no apology at all.

Sincere is, of course, the operative word. When my children were little and got reprimanded for an offense, they would sometimes respond with, "Well, soorrreeeey," complete with snarky tone and eye roll.  When they did this I refused to accept their apology. Not because I was a mean and terrible mom...well maybe I was, you'd have to check in with them...but because their apology was empty. They weren't sorry. They were angry, or arrogant, or just not ready to acknowledge what they had done, but the were definitely not sorry. Later, when they would offer a sincere apology, I could forgive and we would move on. But an insincere apology was pointless.

I've had to apologize numerous times in my own life. Too many to count. To my kids, husband, friends, professors, employers, strangers. Really, I've screwed up a lot. But...haven't we all?

I read once that we should never say the words, "I'm sorry," because it means we are accepting blame. Um...yeah. If you're a jerk you should accept the blame. How hard is that?

A few years ago I had a friend who, when approached about something he had done to offend me would say, "I hear that." Great. What the hell kind of answer is that? Now that we have established that your hearing is good, how about we attend to how you hurt my feelings. He never did. That might be one reason we are no longer friends.

Anyway, I'm not suggesting that we all go around saying, "Sorry. Oh, sorry, I'm sorry," every few minutes. We should, however, say I'm sorry when we have done something to offend another. Even if we didn't mean to.

I've apologized for things years after they happened, because it took me that long to figure out what went wrong and why I was responsible. I might not always be so quick on the uptake but, in the end, I knew I owed an apology so I offered it.

Because it was the right thing to do. And because it restored a relationship. And because it made me less of a jerk.

Of course nobody likes to be wrong. Even still, everybody is at times. An apology can't guarantee that the other person will forgive and forget but it can guarantee that you've done the right thing. And doing the right thing makes the world a better place.

It is never too late.

Holy Day of Romantic Obligation

So there you have it. Another Valentine's Day come and gone. All that candy at the grocery store will be half price today which, if you ask me, is the best thing about the Holy Day of Romantic Obligation.

I know this makes me sound cynical, but Valentine's Day is just so...weird.

It is jammed full of cheesy, mushy, sentiment and action which always makes me wonder. Do people really feel loved because someone bought them a card and a rose on a day prescribed by someone else to say, "I love you?"

I don't get it.

I'm not a fan. It's not that I'm not a fan of romance. Romance is all well and good but, pragmatic soul that I am, I don't really understand the point of setting aside one day per year for romance. I'm not one of those curmudgeons who sees the whole thing as a way for card, flower, and candy companies to make a fortune. Although it is.

The thing for me is, there are 365 days in the year. If you treat me with love and respect the other 364 days then you don't need to worry about Valentine's Day.  And if you don't treat me with love and respect the other 364 days...don't bother.

I don't mind being wished me a Happy Valentine's Day. It doesn't offend me and I don't assume the wisher is like those people who, during the Christmas season, insist on saying "Merry Christmas" because they celebrate Christmas and, it is their right to wish you a Merry Christmas, damnit. Somehow that seems to miss the point. Merry Militant Christmas!

Anyway, I accept a Valentine's Day wish for what it is, a sweet gesture. I just don't fill the day with a lot of expectation. I do buy chocolate for my family, but then I buy chocolate on a lot of other days during the year as well. When my kids were little I made heart shaped pizza and heart shaped cookies. I'm not an entire spoil sport.

Yesterday I visited my mother and gave her a heart-shaped box of candy. If she had a man in her life she would have demanded a loving gesture. But since she has pretty much extripated the hearts of all men she has deemed worthy of her affection and basically has no reason to live, I thought I'd give her a box of chocolates. I figure she can pick them out of their little fluted wrappers and devour them, one by one, much the way she does men. 

Nevertheless, the whole hoopla seems quite silly.

But it does make me wonder. What if we were more loving every day. Toward every one. I understand that Valentine's Day is about romantic love, but what about love for humanity? What if we tried to be more loving not only one day a year and not only toward our special someone. What if we were more loving to everyone. Or, if that is too idealistic, at least a whole bunch of people on a whole bunch of days.

Maybe we could be more loving toward someone who doesn't have the same political opinion as ours, or believe the same religious doctrine we do, who looks different from us, or even who cuts us off in traffic. What if we showed love to those people in....June?

What if when someone was rude to us, we simply ignored their unkindness, and responded with grace.

Or what if we chose to be generous, in whatever form, on a daily basis.

Or even just made eye contact and smiled at strangers, no matter how odd they might find us.

I'm not suggesting we eliminate Valentine's Day. I'm merely suggesting we make a loving attitude more expansive. We can still mark February 14 as the Holy Day of Romantic Obligation to keep flower shops and card manufacturers in business. I don't wish to take away the fun of celebrating love. After all, regardless of my other aversions to February 14, I like pink. And hearts.

And half-price candy.