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Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Steve accompanied me to the courthouse. He said he was going as moral support but, in reality, I'm pretty sure he went along thinking he might need to hold me back if I started swinging and yelling, "Lemme at 'em! Lemme at 'em!"
I almost did.
The whole experience was infuriating.
Step one was meeting with a snarky city prosecutor. I'm not sure if her job description includes snarkiness, although I doubt it. If it does, however, someone should alert HR because she deserves a raise for fulfilling her role quite well. Making sure to be as condescending as possible, she explained the whole situation to me. I already knew the story. I was there.
Following her description and explanation of the Potentially Dangerous Animal charge I was facing, she told me the city was prepared to offer a plea bargain for Running-at-Large. Sadie...not me.
Running-at-Large? All of the documentation, citation, and descriptions in the case, state that Sadie was on a leash and harness at the time of the vicious one-inch-jean-ripping incident. Now, however, I could plead guilty to letting her run-at-large? Doesn't that mean she was out having a dog free for all, eating garbage, peeing everywhere, dancing in the streets, biting anyone she could find, all with no human supervision?
None of that was true.
Neither was the Potentially Dangerous Animal charge but that would just be splitting hairs.
Fortunately I wasn't testifying. No Bibles and claims of truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth were involved. This whole affair wasn't about telling the truth. Nor about justice. It was about making money. It was about backing me into a corner by 'benevolently' reducing the first untrue charge for a lesser and even more untrue charge. When I balked at this I was told I could plead 'not-guilty' and take the whole thing to trial by jury. Oh, and by the way that would mean I'd have to retain a lawyer. Oh, and by the way, if you do here is the list of charges associated with going that route.
But suit yourself. Really.
It was at that point I stated clearly what a scammy load of crap this was. I glanced at Steve who was making all manner of non-verbal facial and hand gestures to tell me to calm down. I considered pulling his hair.
I compromised myself and took the plea bargain because in the end it was all about money for me too. I chose the least expensive way out of a situation that never needed to go to court in the first place. It galled me to stand before a judge and plead guilty to something not even remotely true.
In a word...it sucked.
Interestingly, the whole reason why I was cited was that the boy's parents wanted fifty-bucks for the kid's jeans. Not once did they state a concern about Sadie as a dangerous dog. The Potentially Dangerous Animal charge was the brainchild of the city. It was not, however, until I asked about paying restitution that the prosecutor even remembered that part of the case.
The kid got money for his jeans. The city got their $100. Sadie got court mandated obedience school which she has been attending voluntarily since the incident occurred. When I mentioned this it seemed nobody spoke English anymore and they couldn't understand a word I was saying. In addition, for the next year my sweet little rescue dog gets to wear a muzzle anytime she leaves our house. The judge was quick to give me all the financial ramifications should I fail to comply and Sadie were to rip someone else's jeans. I gathered he didn't want me to mistake the punishment as being about the safety of the citizens of Centennial rather than replenishing the city coffers.
It's done. I'll get over my anger at the system. I'd still rather be in the United States dealing with the broken judicial system than anywhere else in the world. It just didn't need to go to court.
So please...if you see Sadie running wildly around town wearing her Jason hockey mask looking for jeans to rip up...just call me.
I'll take care of it.
