Farewell Sweet Friend

The day finally came when Boe’s cancer grew stronger than he. We knew it was time to take him in to the veterinarian to be euthanized but we dreaded making the trip. Sweet as he always was, the poor old guy was suffering. He was obviously in pain and we needed to be kind to our friend. We made a plan on Friday night that we’d take him as soon as possible on Saturday. Amid many tears our sweet kittie slipped off easily and peacefully and he’s now in the backyard with our other beloved kitties who have moved on.

It was a difficult weekend. We love our animals and consider them a part of our family. No, we didn’t spend thousands of dollars to try to eradicate his cancer. For one thing the cancer had spread to his lymphatic system before we knew he had it and for another he was, afterall, a cat. We loved him but also realized he was a cat.

Nevertheless, our grief at his loss is real. I’ve had many kind friends express their sympathy. Even those who aren’t big fans of the cat world. Those friends have at least been kind and compassionate enough to know that losing Boe was painful. But, I’ve felt sad at some of the insensitivity that Charles has had to face. Mean spirited comments by insecure men. Several of his friends who are kind souls have been caring so it isn’t as though he hasn’t had anyone who has offered sincere condolence. In fact, the only place he hasn’t faced kindness over losing his best buddy is at work.

After Boe’s death and burial on Saturday Charles felt that he needed time to grieve. He called in to work and explained the situation. He probably shouldn’t have told the reason for not going to work as he was then harassed and teased when he went to work on Sunday.

Seriously?

What kind of mean, insensitive, jerk would make fun of someone who is hurting? Apparently some misguided macho man. Someone who delights in other’s pain. It makes me feel angry that someone would hurt my son by his verbal barbs but it makes me feel sad for the person who can’t feel compassion toward another.

And so the world goes. Even if I don’t have the same life experience as another, even if I don’t believe what someone else believes, a little kindness goes a long way. Maybe this mean spirited person in Charles’s world isn’t a cat lover or even an animal lover but would it hurt to be understanding of Charles’s feelings?

Yes, Boe was a cat. But he was a kind cat. He accepted everyone. He befriended all cats and people who came into our home. He was an example, in my opinion, of what we should all strive to be.

I know it is easier said than done but really, if we put our own hurts and insecurities aside and just show some kindness, can’t we make our little section of the world a better place?

Stuff That Matters....

Recently my siblings and I cleaned out our elderly mother’s house to get it ready to sell. Mom had reluctantly moved into a retirement community after falling twice in a six-month period. The onus for cleaning out the house fell on the three of us and, with the help of a couple of our children, we managed to get it done in just a few grueling, intense days.

The work was physically taxing but also emotionally taxing for me as my mother seemed unable to part with anything. She had lived in her house for over 30 years and it seemed she hadn’t gotten rid of anything. Nor did it appear she had gotten rid of anything in the 30 years prior to moving into that house! The job was daunting and her emotional response was painful. We didn’t let her join us at the house as we knew her presence would render the process impossible. She simply wouldn’t have let us give or throw away anything!

In the months since we finished the job she has asked over and over about different items. My brother, sister and I have found her attachment to ‘things’ both curious and unsettling. How, we wonder, can someone be so attached to ‘stuff.’

After having the experience of cleaning out her house, I vowed never to do the same thing to my children and decided to begin the process of purging my own home of unnecessary stuff. Last weekend my husband and I started to clean out our garage. He pulled box after box from the rafters in the garage. I couldn’t imagine what we had put up there years ago and started to sort through the boxes. There were things our children might actually treasure some day: diplomas, photos, memorabilia of our youth. We decided to keep those things.

One box was particularly heavy and when I opened the lid I found it packed full of old training manuals from my first ‘professional’ job at Taco Bell, Inc. I had landed the job as soon as I finished my Master’s Degree. I was 24 years old, cocky, and looked to a bright professional future. The job I held was created so that my boss could justify hiring me with no experience. I was quickly promoted and given hefty raises. I was in my element and took on the most challenging assignments in the department. Now, years later the only physical remnants of that time were the manuals I had painstakingly written and neatly organized in a cardboard box.

I decided to put them in the garbage. What did I need with old Taco Bell training manuals? Who would look at them? Who would care? Of what use could they possibly be? None. They were obsolete, useless and taking up valuable space. I carried them to the curb. Later, I noticed the box resting precariously on top of a large plastic garbage can full of unnecessary, unwanted trash.

The next morning as I was pouring my second cup of coffee I heard the loud rumbling of the garbage truck heading toward my house. For an instant I felt the urge to rush to the curb and rescue my valuable training manuals from a landfill. Wait, I thought…those manuals are all I have left. Those manuals represent the person I was, the life I lived, the professional I planned to be. When they are gone, so are those days! I can’t let them be tossed out like garbage!

I stood at the counter, drank my coffee, planted my feet, and calmed my soul. The truck arrived. The box of manuals was unceremoniously placed with the coffee grounds, cat litter and other refuse of my neighbors and, without a moment of hesitation, the truck pulled away from the curb on to the next house.

My manuals were gone.

But the manuals were just the physical evidence of those former days. They didn’t represent what I had learned, how I had grown, or who I am today. They were merely the tangible product of the work I had done. Work for an organization that, today, given my convictions, I couldn’t work for at all!

The manuals were gone. For a few minutes I thought about how getting rid of that one box had stirred my soul and brought to light the passing of an era in my life. I thought about how my mother must have felt when most of her 81 years met a similar fate. And, in my next thought I realized how freeing it was to let go of something that no longer had meaning to anyone. Including me. Yes, those were good years and yes I had many accomplishments in those years. But those years were the building blocks to today and my ‘todays’ are the building block to tomorrow. Do I really need ‘stuff’ to remind me of who I am? Do I really need ‘things’ to represent the person I’ve become?

No.

My moment of panic, when I heard the garbage truck pull up, helped me understand my mom a little better but ultimately having the manuals dumped freed me of the need to hold on to things that have little to no meaning. What matters are the people I love, the souls that have intersected with mine, the person I am and the person I’m still learning to be.

Saint Thor

I am a cat person. Thought I ought to get that out there first. I love cats of all kinds, colors, breeds and personalities. So, it is probably no surprise that I find lessons to learn in my interactions with them. At present I have three cats but this story just involves my two boy cats.

Boe isn't my kittie, actually. He belongs to my son. We've had Boe for 11 years and recently discovered that he has cancer. There wasn't any hope of eliminating his cancer so we decided to make him as happy and comfortable as possible until the inevitable comes. I've fed him homemade cat food and given him numerous herbs to help his situation. Nothing about Boe's peaceful and sweet demeanor has changed. It would be hard to even know he has cancer except for the large tumor on his leg. A tumor which has recently evolved into a large oozing sore. I'll spare you the details on that except to say that along with the blood and fluid there is a particularly unpleasant smell emanating from Boe these days. I have to wash his bedding daily and he's sometimes challenging to be around because of the way he smells.

In addition to Boe we have a little young, feisty Manx named Thor. Thor was found on the corner of a busy intersection in a snowstorm. We don't know much more about him other than he was a baby when he was found and he is slightly deformed. His spine is crooked and his body curves at his backside. When he walks he looks like his back legs are trying to get ahead of the rest of his body. He's ornery and loud and a little gross. And he's adorable.

Boe is a pacifist. He is kind to everyone. His endomorphic body gives away his love of food and leisure. We're pretty sure Thor has ADHD. He will, on impulse, jump on one of the other cats for a tussle or run streaking through the room so fast that he can't stop and slam into a wall. We love them both.

When we first brought Thor home to live with us he was sick. He had a major kittie cold complete with lots of green nose mucus. Boe was kind to him. I wouldn't say he planned to be best friends, but he was gracious. Over time Thor would climb in the cat bed with Boe and they would snuggle up to sleep. Boe never looked like this was his first choice but he tolerated Thor. Boe's cancer has affected some of his habits, however, and one is sleeping in the cat bed. He has abandoned that location for other, presumably more comfortable locations.

As Boe's smell has become more unpleasant we have tried to be kind and still interact with him. At first the other cats kept their distance. My heart broke for Boe as he loves physical touch and interaction. We tried to keep our human interaction going, although it was difficult at times. But, I knew Boe needed the interaction of his kittie siblings. One day, I noticed that Boe was lying in the sun and really, the heat wasn't doing anything to help his odor. Thor walked up to him and I watched and anticipated the need to shoo Thor away from Boe if he started wrestling with him. But Thor didn't wrestle. He gently licked Boe's head. I watched in awe as Thor lovingly groomed his terminally ill, unpleasant smelling, senior cat friend. Boe embraced the affection as he closed his eyes and purred a thank you.

I had a new hero.

I've watched the same interaction a few times and yesterday, as Boe was having a particularly tough day, I watched Thor settle in for a nap right next to him. They did their cat thing and slept all day side by side all day. Being near Boe took an act of bravery yet Thor snuggled next to him for hours.

Thor, for all of his Thorness, has demonstrated love in a way so many humans seem unable to do. He has loved Boe in his last days with gentleness and care but also in a way that appears to say that he doesn't even notice Boe's affliction. He reminds me of those Saints who wanted to kiss the sores of lepers. A practice that, frankly, never really appealed to me!

The end is coming soon. More quickly than I'm ready to face. Thor knows it too and I believe his saintly behavior toward Boe is his way to say goodbye. When Boe's time is up he will know that his human family loved him but he will also know his kittie buddy loved him too. What sweeter way is there to end a live well lived.

My Best Friends are Books....

...which probably seems strange for an extreme extrovert. I do have a lot of human friends whom I love dearly and cherish greatly. So I don't want to give the impression that I constantly sit in the corner reading feverishly and nibbling on stale bread.

It isn't constant.

Every autumn the city of Denver has a One City, One Book campaign in which residents are encouraged to read the same book in the hope that it will spark thought and conversation. I love the idea. Typically the Mayor chooses the book but this year the book was chosen through the suggestions of Denver residents. To my great joy the book chosen for this year is To Kill A Mockingbird. Perhaps my most favorite book ever!

Several years ago I compiled a list of my Top 10 Favorite Fiction books and my Top 10 Ten Favorite Non-Fiction books. The top of the top fiction is To Kill A Mockingbird. I was pretty over the top when I found out it was the One City, One Book choice! No one needed to ask me twice to re-read this amazing book.

Time to settle in with Scout, Boo and Atticus....

Here I Go...

I've long been thinking about starting a blog and finally decided to give it a try. I am currently a doctoral student and I've started writing my dissertation. Academic writing isn't my favorite style and I find the need for a creative outlet to write about my thoughts and feelings. Dissertations don't allow for a lot of that. So, here I go...let the blogging begin!