Oxygen and Pepsi...for the Good Life!

We are now at T-minus three weeks until I fly to Michigan and return with my mom to help her establish a new life in Colorado. I know it is going to be challenging for her, physically and emotionally. And I know I’m in for a lot of anger, tears and unkindness. I don’t relish that part. But I am hopeful that I can give her the space she needs to talk about her feelings and I hope I can help guide her to a place of forgiveness. I hope she will eventually understand that the things my brother, sister and I have done in the past year have been out of love and concern for her. And I am working on strategies to diffuse her vitriolic outbursts with kindness and humor. The other day Steve said he thought if anyone could give my mom the room she needs to feel what she feels it would be me. I truly hope he is right.

In the meantime, I seem to be surrounded by older people. Maybe I always have been and I just didn’t notice until I realized that much more of my life is going to be lived in the presence of older adults. Regardless, I am paying closer attention and recognizing the value of a life well lived as I see it played out in those around me.

The decision to move my mother to Colorado prompted an evaluation of my day-to-day life and the need for a more routinized approach to getting exercise. Otherwise known as stress management! I joined our local rec center and have been working out several times a week. Because I choose to work out in the late morning, I’ve noticed that the majority of people working out with me are older. Much older. Downright elderly.

And delightful.

While I’m swimming laps there is a water aerobics class taking place in the same pool. I see sagging skin and grey heads bobbing in the water. I see the group of mostly women and realize that I’m on my way to exactly the place they are. I seek out the faces that seem most joyful and focus on how I want that to be me! Sometimes when I’m running on the track I pass a man who is walking the same track…with a cane. I silently cheer him on each time I pass.

But my absolute favorite workout contemporary was the man I saw today. As I ran the track there was a man who looked to be in his mid-80s, toting his portable oxygen machine. He was on a weight machine and drinking a Pepsi and deeply engrossed in a conversation via his Bluetooth headset! He made me smile inside and out!

I have no idea what circumstances caused him to have to use oxygen. And I’m pretty sure Pepsi isn’t the recommended beverage for workout rehydration and I wonder about his ability to focus on good form while chatting on his headset. But he was there! And he was doing something! And, clearly he was enjoying himself!

So…as I prepare for my big life change and that of my mother’s, I am blessed by my daily encounters with joyful older people doing what they can to restore or maintain their health. I can’t predict what the future will look like once my mom is here but I do know that there is no coincidence in my daily encounters and the reminders that old age needn’t look like sadness and anger. Maybe I can bring something of this mindset to my mom. I don’t know. I know I’ll try. But regardless, these older adults are showing me a face of aging that makes me look forward to my future years. They provide me with a role model and something to which I can strive.

Who knows…maybe what I see in them can somehow translate to my mom. Never give up hope....

Ready or Not...Here She Comes!

The winds of change do seem to be blowing in my life. There seem to be a lot of shifts and gusts. So, I guess my normally calm existence is due to get a bit more exciting.

Mommie Dearest is headed west.

Okay, first off, Mommie Dearest is a term of endearment. Sort of. My mother wasn’t ever physically abusive. I just think it is funny to call her that. Secondly, when I moved over a thousand miles away from Mommie Dearest twenty-five years ago I had no idea that I’d discover in myself a person whom I really liked and who had been shoved beneath the surface by Mommie Dearest’s controlling ways. Once I moved away I never wanted to go back. And there was a good bit of safety in knowing I never, ever had to live near her again. Or so I thought.

Mommie Dearest is elderly now. Arthritis has crippled her body and she challenged by much of life. She lives in a retirement community in Michigan but a recent family decision has her moving to Colorado in just a few short weeks.

God help me. Literally.

I was a big advocate of the move. I still am. I am also terrified. But, this move allows her to move out of the chilly, damp climate of Michigan to the warmer and dryer air in Colorado. It also allows her to be near family who are willing to see her regularly, help her out frequently and be engaged in her life.

The problem with the plan is that Mommie Dearest is often mean spirited, regularly negative, and always a control freak. In years past when I knew she was coming for a visit I would sink into an uncharacteristic depression days before her arrival. Since the decision to have her move here I have had significant mood swings. Maybe it is because she is planning to move here. Maybe it is because I can’t seem to get my head wrapped around my dissertation or maybe it is because my body seems to be making some plans to start into menopause. I’m not sure which. Maybe all three.
Catch me one minute and I am looking forward to doing what I know is right and best for her. Catch me another minute and I’ll wax philosophical about life change and how I long to embrace it. Another moment might lend itself to different perspectives on aging. And then there are those moments when I want to curl into a fetal position and cry.

Regardless, she’s coming! In three weeks I’ll head back to Michigan and when I return to Colorado it will be with Mommie Dearest in tow. Let the adventure begin!