I like to hear of someone paying for the next person's venti, half-caf, low-fat, vanilla latte at the Starbuck's drive-thru window (proof that drinking coffee makes one a nicer person) or the benevolent tipper who leaves a huge sum of money for their poor, hard-working server. Those things matter. Regardless of how small, they make the world a better place. I'm especially appreciative of how intentional these givers are. I assume they, in some way, have planned their act of kindness.
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| Source: coffeecupsandcrayons.com |
But, I also appreciate acts of kindness that flow out of people without any pre-meditation. Those things that happen... just because they noticed something.
Twice this week I've been on the receiving end of the kindness of others, not because they planned to do a kind act that day (I don't think) but just simply because they noticed something. I doubt either person knew how much what they did mattered to me. I suspect they didn't give it much thought.
But I did.
Before I explain what they did, I'll just say both acts made me think about how easy it is to encourage someone. Of course, it is just as easy to discourage someone, but this story is about encouraging and I don't want to mess up the goodness mojo with negative talk.
Story number one begins with me stopping at the grocery store for toothpaste. Just one little tube of minty fresh toothpaste was all I needed. I was on my way home from work and for whatever reason, that day I was feeling particularly tired. Not at all minty fresh. I went to a store that never seems to have any customers, thinking I could get in and out quickly. After locating the toothpaste I went to the check-out lines only to find that the seven other customers who went to the store that day had all come at the same time, filled their carts, and were just ahead of me. What I did next seems, in retrospect, a little on the petty side.
I counted items.
Having gone to the Express Lane - which had a sign that said "15 Items or Less" (and should say "15 Items or Fewer"...but that's just me being petty again) - with my one item, I found myself feeling irritated at the woman in front of me who had more than 15 purchases. Fortunately she didn't see me peering over the edge of her cart, counting. Moments later, however, when I was gazing in the other direction, she turned to me and said, "Oh, you only have one item, go ahead of me." Feeling a little sheepish about my attitude toward her only seconds before, I thanked her, moved in line ahead of her, bought my toothpaste and left quickly, which had been the goal in the first place. It wouldn't have killed me to wait but I appreciated her kindness in not making me. It was a tiny thing. But it made my day brighter. My weary little self felt less weary.
Perhaps I was more aware of her act of kindness because, having been on the receiving end a few days earlier, I had already been thinking about how meaningful simple gestures can be.
As much as I haven't wanted to think about it, my friend Debbie is moving away. For years we have talked about that someday when she and her husband would move and settle into retirement. I didn't worry much about it because it was always in the future. Except now it isn't. Now her house in Colorado is on the market, another one in Kansas purchased, and someday is upon us for real. As much as I am trying to be a grownup and embrace the change, thinking about it makes me forget to breathe.
Debbie and I became friends years ago while singing in our church choir. We both had sons named Parker and before long we discovered we each thought the other was hilarious. We've shared a lot of life over nearly twenty years. Some good stuff. Some bad stuff. Some silly and some serious. Always with laughter, we've been deeply invested in each other's lives for a very long time.
It feels a little like I've been told I'm having a vital appendage removed.
Last weekend at a gathering of the music ministry, there was time set aside to honor Debbie for her years of service and to pray for her 'new life.' Many wonderful things were said of Debbie and heartfelt prayers were offered for a smooth transition. It was lovely and caring and meaningful and all about Debbie when, out of the blue, one quiet, unassuming man offered a simple prayer for me because, as he put it, "Sue will be lost without Debbie."
He is right. I will.
This man doesn't know me well, but clearly his powers of observation are intact. Amid care and concern for Debbie, he thought to remember what this would mean for me. He had bothered to notice how close we are and anticipate how different my life will be with Debbie in another state.
Something so simple. So kind. So meaningful.
Both the woman in the grocery store and the man in the prayer circle reminded me that kindness is not just about doing, but also about noticing. The art of noticing and caring and then doing.
Perhaps in addition to Random Acts of Kindness, we should start a movement of Random Acts of Noticing, Which In Turn Result In Random Acts of Kindness.
Although the title might need work.
Whatever the title, it doesn't take a lot of planning or effort but simple kindness can mean so much.
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