Although I suspect we might be a bit past that. Maybe it is just simply being in the middle.
Is this cow photobombing?
Whatever its called, it seems Steve and I are at the stage of life when both our parents and our children seem to require a lot of time and tender loving care. Our children are trying to make their way toward adulthood, which has its challenging moments but is, on the whole, an exciting time. There's a lot of talk about college and careers and thoughts of life partners. Our parents, however, are winding down now, moving toward the day when their lives are just the stories we tell.
Bittersweet.
I enjoy watching my children as they figure out the direction they want their lives to take. There is so much opportunity ahead of them. Mistakes happen. Stupid decisions. And then, moments of brilliance that assure me (and them) they are going to be just fine. There will be more mistakes and stupid decisions...witness my own life...but, like me, they'll move past those and forge ahead. I love the adults my children are becoming and the friendship we share. I wish, at times, I could suspend everything and just stop where we are to savor. But I can't. And really, even if I could, it wouldn't be the same. Life moves forward at its dizzying pace.
Some day soon they'll move on.
Steve and I have two parents left. My mother. His father. Sometimes I think they should live together but then I realize Steve's father may be a curmudgeon, but even the most curmudgeonly don't deserve that. I've juggled many a health crisis with my mother but Steve's dad has lived in his own home and been healthy until recently. A fall a few weeks ago put him in the hospital. Now decisions are being made about having him return home. We can't predict if it is really safest for him. Or for how long. It is a delicate tightrope we walk with the elderly, between letting them keep their pride and knowing when to intervene. At his core he's the same person he's always been. But, like my mother, his fire burns cooler these days.
Some day soon they'll move on.
Standing in the middle reminds me how quickly this life passes. Yesterday I was a young adult. Tomorrow I'll be an old woman. Which is why the way I live today matters. Being generationally sandwiched between people I love reminds me that I don't have forever to make my life meaningful. I only have today to learn lessons from my younger years that enable me to happily anticipate my older years. I only have today to turn tears from the past into laughter. Anger from the past into peace. Fear from the past into trust. Justice from the past into grace. Hurt from the past into love.
Today I live in between.
Because someday soon I'll move on.
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