Shades of Blue

I'm trying to learn to be more tolerant of other people's perspectives. I really am. I don't always do such a great job. But, I'm trying.

We live in largely intolerant society and we are conditioned to be intolerant of other perspectives. It is a hard habit to break. Civilized communication seems to be fading as people shout, call names, and disparage. It really seems we could approach differences with a little more understanding.

In fact, I hesitate to use the word 'intolerant' because it concerns me that the anti-PC people reading this will be intolerant with the fact that I said 'intolerant' because somehow tolerance has taken on a negative connotation when used in the context of undertanding people other than ourselves. There seems to be something threatening in trying to see another person's perspective.

Which is really sort of crazy if you think about it. Most of us want to be heard and understood but, if I write you off as an idiot because you hold a different perspective from mine and I don't try to see things from your point of view, and you do the same to me, we won't ever understand one another or change the world for the better because we are only seeing the world from one angle. But what if the world could be equally as good from another angle?

If I say the sky is one color and you say the sky is another color, does the color of the sky change or does our perception of the color of the sky change? And does it matter what color the sky is, or is the important point that I understand why you think the sky is one color while I think it is another.

An example.

A number of years ago Steve's oldest brother, Bruce, decided to get married. This was a surprise  since we were pretty sure he was a confirmed bachelor. But, one day he up and got engaged and ruined that theory.

A flurry of planning went into effect and Bruce asked Steve to stand up as his Best Man. Then Bruce asked if Charles and Parker would be Junior Groomsmen. I wasn't really sure what a Junior Groomsman was (just a Groomsman who hadn't hit puberty, I guessed) but we agreed to let them fill that role. Anna was asked to be a Flower Girl. Bruce apologized for not being able to find a suitable part for me to play. I assured him that my hands were full being the Mother of the Wedding Party and just making sure everyone had on underwear.

My children. Not the wedding guests.

Anyway, Bruce asked Steve and the boys to go to a tuxedo shop in Colorado to get measured for their wedding attire. Bruce said the tuxedos he had chosen were sky blue. When Steve relayed this information to me I expressed my horror. "SKY BLUE? You are wearing sky blue tuxedos??? With platform shoes and ruffled shirts as well?"  I couldn't contain my opinion that sky blue tuxedos were definately a wedding fashion 'don't!'   But, it wasn't my wedding.

We went to the tuxedo shop for measurements and while there, the sales clerk showed us a photograph of the chosen tuxedos. I started laughing when I saw the photo of a lovely, classy, grey tuxedo (on an impossibly handsome model, of course). Sky blue?

And then it dawned on me. I live in Colorado where almost every day the sky is a bright, crisp, beautiful blue. Bruce, on the other hand, lives in Michigan where, due to being surrounded by lakes, the atmospheric conditions create clouds and grey, overcast skies on most days. When he said 'sky blue' he meant Michigan sky blue. When I heard 'sky blue' I thought Colorado sky blue.

Same words; different meanings.

Now granted, the color of wedding attire isn't as significant as the issues heating up our current culture wars but it does make me think about my response to what other people say. If I just listen and try to understand what color sky they are talking about and why they see the sky that color, instead of rushing to an immediate judgement, I might be pleasantly surprised by what I find.

My sky blue probably won't ever be grey. It probably won't ever be my choice for what color the sky should be. I probably won't ever even like grey as a color for they sky and should it be brought to a vote, I certainly wouldn't vote for grey. But I probably don't have to scream, and mock, and disparage you if you do like grey. Defining what color sky blue is for you isn't my job.

But then, neither is making sure you have on underwear.