Adventures in Pole Dancing....

I admit that I sometimes do inexplicable things. Well, they aren’t that inexplicable, really. They make sense in my mind. I just can't help myself. I have this irrational fear that I’m going to die having missed the chance to do something fun or interesting at least once. This fear causes me to do things that leave other people wondering what is wrong with me. I avoid the illegal and immoral and I’m, admittedly, a bit of a ninny about dying a painful death so, I generally opt out of the things risking bodily harm. Bungee jumping off a bridge holds no appeal.

But, one day last autumn one of those Living Social coupons arrived in my email box and it was for two pole-dancing classes. Today when I think of pole-dancing I think of Sally O’Mally on Saturday Night Live but for some reason, that morning the idea of taking a pole-dancing class seemed like a good idea. I wasn’t thinking in terms of a career change or anything, but I’d been hearing that this is the newest fitness craze, and it seemed like something fun to try.

Of course, I wasn’t going to go to a pole-dancing class by myself. What fun would that be? I started thinking about who would be a likely candidate to join me on this adventure. My friend Shelly came to mind immediately. If I want to do something ‘different’ Shelly is typically game. So, I purchased two pole-dancing class vouchers for $15 and called Shelly to tell her I had a fabulous birthday gift for her.

Her response was less than thrilled. It was more along the lines of, “You want me to do what?” Eventually, she got used to the idea, or maybe she was resigned to it, I’m not sure. Regardless, I made a reservation for our class and we made our plans to go.

When we arrived at the studio the surroundings were a bit disconcerting. It was located right next to a bar. Now, is that really a good idea? Granted, the classes are supposed to be for fitness… but still.

We entered the dimly lit studio in our sweatpants and t-shirts and wended our way through the scantily clad 20-something-year olds. Hmmmm. I began to rethink the wisdom of this idea. I scanned the room for anyone else even remotely close to my age. I scanned again. Nope. Nobody. Expect for Shelly. But even she is five-years younger! A quick review of my options left me with leaving (which I had no intention of doing), or embracing the experience.

I went with embracing.

The class started with some stretches and then moved into some interesting wriggling and writhing movements which pretty much just served to make us laugh. Perhaps we are immature. Or, perhaps the whole thing just looked ridiculous. I’m not sure which. Things really got silly, though, when the instructor told us to crawl seductively across the floor.

The hardwood floor.

Now exactly how seductive can one look crawling along a hardwood floor in sweatpants, while wincing and yelping, “ouch?” It just wasn’t working for me. Shelly suggested that, were I to try this again, I might want to invest in some of those knee pads roofers wear.

Yes, that would add to the seductive look I already had going!

Maybe I could have crawled seductively across a hardwood floor when I was 20. I don’t recall feeling the need to do so but, maybe my knees would have protested less then. I’m not sure my knees would have thought the whole thing was any less foolish, however.

In the end, Shelly and I had a really hard time taking this whole notion of pole fitness seriously. We laughed more than we exercised. At first everyone in the room seemed very serious-minded about their pole-dancing. After a while, though, we added enough comic relief that they seemed to take themselves a little less seriously. Maybe that was our contribution.

I know pole fitness is the latest ‘thing.’ And I gave it a try. Honestly. I did. The laughter did my soul good, but I’m pretty sure a good healthy walk or a yoga class would benefit my body more.

I don’t believe I’ll need to try that again.