365 Days of Possibility

Okay, so it seems a little cliché to write a blog entry on January 1. But, I’ve never been one to shy away from a good cliché so, here goes.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how I live my life and about how I can be sure that the life I’m living is a meaningful one. In recent years I have rather smugly said that I don’t make New Year’s resolutions because New Year’s resolutions seem rather doomed to failure. Why create personal failure on purpose? But, I think for most of us those failures come as a result of creating New Year’s resolutions that don’t really make us better people. I’m not saying that a resolution to lose weight or eat better or exercise more is a bad thing, I just don’t think those resolutions are necessarily things that project us toward betterment of our relationships or of improving the world in which we live. Sure, better health can help us with more energy and more confidence but the motivation seems lacking when it is all about doing something just for ourselves.

So, I don’t make New Year’s resolutions to lose weight because I’ll probably have failed at that resolution by January 3rd or 4th.

But I realize that whether I call them New Year’s resolutions or not, I do tend to view the beginning of a new year as something of a blank canvas upon which to paint a prettier life picture.

A while back I was on a walk and thinking about my life which in any given day can seem like the most wonderful gift full of freedom and joy in one minute and aimleslessness and lack of purpose in the next. I recognize that if I could rewind my life and play it back I wouldn’t change anything so my restlesslessness about not having enough life purpose seems moot. But, I have many days, regardless, that feel like they are filled with activity but not activity that really matters.

Years ago I gave up a good career to stay home with my children. I knew there was tremendous potential for a lucrative career but I wanted to be intimately connected with my children and something in me knew that the years would fly by more quickly than I wanted them to and I intended to spend as much time as I could in the company of the people I loved. So, I gave up the income and the prestige and the potential and chose instead to invest heavily in the lives of my children. I wouldn’t change a thing. I have amazingly close relationships with my kids and I think I can take at least a little bit of credit for the wonderful people they are and will continue to become.

Now that the job of raising them is almost over I have new horizons for which to aim. But the horizon gets a bit blurry at times. I still have to finish the job of raising my kids. When that is done, what will I do with the rest of my life? How will I live so as to make this world better? I’m not sure of the answers to those questions just yet. I remember reading Jimmy Carter’s book A Remarkable Mother and being inspired by Lillian’s decision to volunteer with the Peace Corp at age 68. Am I a prospective Peace Corp volunteer? I don’t know. I do know that I feel like there is plenty of time for me to do whatever it is I’m supposed to do, even in the last third of my life.

All of this is to say, I won’t be making any New Year’s Resolutions to lose weight in 2011. And I don’t know that I’ll look at January 1, 2012 and know exactly what my life’s purpose is. But I do think I’ll resolve to be more aware in 2011. More aware of how my day-to-day life influences those around me. How my day-to-day life makes my small influence in the world better rather than worse. I am sure there will be days that feel meaningless but in the larger scheme I hope I end 2011 with a greater sense of having done what I could.

Some people will live lives of grand influence. Some will live lives of smaller influence. I’m open to whatever God directs but I know that without a degree of intentionality in how I live my days and without developing a discipline of paying attention to the purpose of my life, it will slip by quickly and quietly and opportunities will be lost.

We all have a purpose. If we fill our days with meaningless activity we will miss our purpose.

So…here’s to 2011 and meaningful days.