God Bless Us Everyone...Even You Ugly Van Man

I had an interesting experience today. Not one I have ever had before and I can honestly say it is not one I’d like to have again! If I believed in karma, I’d have to assume I’ve been doing some bad stuff! As it was, I think I was just a normal human with a lot on my mind who made an error and encountered someone who seemed to be having a bad day.

Or maybe a bad life.

I spent an inordinate amount of time on the telephone this morning getting quite a run around regarding my mother’s Medicare and Supplemental insurance. I’ll spare the boring details but it was a somewhat maddening experience and I felt a little like I was in a cycle from which I couldn’t escape. My mother’s well being was hanging in the balance and given her cognitive abilities these days I simply couldn’t ask her to take care of her own business. So…I cycled.

I finally got the phone number of someone whom I was assured could help me. I called the woman and left a message asking her to call me at her earliest convenience. I then proceeded to go to my mother’s apartment to pick her up for an appointment. What I found, when I got to her apartment, however, was a very disoriented and ill little old woman. Once again she had failed to take her medications the previous day. She often forgets to take the evening dose which renders her feeling ill the next day but she had not taken a single pill yesterday and she was really unwell today. I began the process of attempting to get her to take her pills, making her toast to get food in her stomach, cancelling her appointment and getting someone from building maintenance to clean the carpet upon which she had vomited.

My attempts were not very successful and it seemed her heart was racing and she was having trouble catching her breath. I contacted the nurse where she lives to see if she would come to my mom’s apartment to assess the seriousness of the situation. Eventually the nurse, Juanita, was more successful than I in getting medication and some food in my mother. I went to the store to get some things she could easily swallow. Once I dropped those things off and felt confident my mom would be okay I left to go pick Anna up at school.

I noticed my fuel light was on telling me it was time to put gas in my car. I was going to make a left turn into the gas station and my phone began to ring. Ordinarily I would ignore my phone while driving but, because I was waiting for the woman to call me back regarding Medicare and I didn’t want to miss it, I checked my phone. I was very distracted as I almost pulled in front of an oncoming car. I stopped and waited for other cars to pass and a young man in an ugly old van behind me honked impatiently. Undaunted by his impatience I waited until I thought it was safe but then the light turned so I waited longer. This did not endear me to Ugly Van Man. Nor did it endear me to the woman on the corner waiting to cross the street with a small child and another in a stroller. Because it was a beautiful, sunny, warm day I had my window down and she began to yell at me for blocking the crosswalk. I was sorry that I blocked it but Ugly Van Man was right on my rear bumper making it impossible for me to back up.

The light turned green and I proceeded to make the left turn and go into the gas station. The man in the van (it had curtains, this should have been a tip off) followed me and when I pulled up to the gas pump he pulled up beside me and yelled out his window, “You are a stupid, fucking, bitch, aren’t you?”

I am guessing this was a rhetorical question as he didn't wait for my answer.

He drove away and I got out and put fuel in my car. As I left the station I noticed the same, rather distinctive, van parked in the parking lot. I drove to a parking spot a couple of isles over and searched frantically for a piece of paper. I couldn’t find anything that didn’t have my name or address on it and I thought it would be a bad idea to write this man with a rather ugly temper a note on paper revealing my identity. I’m brave but not that brave. And contrary to what he thought, I am not stupid!

Eventually I found a blank envelope and I jotted a quick note to the impatient man with the ugly van. I said that I realized I had made an error in judgment at the light and had inconvenienced him. I added that I hope when he made a mistake that others would be less harsh in criticizing him. I concluded by suggesting that we could all work toward making the world a better place by being kinder and less judgmental. And certainly less vile...but I didn't add that part.

Just as I finished the note and was about to exit my car to go put it on his windshield, I looked up and noticed that the van was moving! Darn it! I followed him for a good bit, hoping for the opportunity to address him or give him my hastily crafted note but he kept turning in directions that took me in the exact opposite direction that I needed to go. And it was getting late.

I abandoned my mission to try and kindly admonish Ugly Van Man and went on my way. But, because I couldn’t address him, I opted to address anyone who might read this blog.

I don’t claim that my driving skills today were stellar. I don’t claim that what I did should not have evoked some frustration on the part of others. But really, following me to be insulting? Not only does that go beyond lacking class…it certainly doesn’t do anything to make this world a better place. So he had to wait an extra 120 seconds to make the left turn. In the grand scheme of things, does that really matter?

The incidents of my day didn’t constitute a crisis, merely a distraction. I don’t advocate driving while distracted but there are times when it is difficult to avoid. How did yelling obscenities at me help Ugly Van Man? Did it really make him feel better to behave in such a vitriolic manner? No, I didn’t take his hateful words to heart. I didn’t internalize his nasty message. But I did think it was terribly sad that he was so selfish that he couldn’t just let my error pass. I’m willing to bet he has made a mistake before too.

Kindness really isn’t so hard. Overlooking the faults of others just isn’t that difficult. If I am going to criticize you for your mistakes then I need to acknowledge that I make them too. We can all try to be just a little kinder. Can’t we?

Grace and peace to you, Ugly Van Man.