The winds of change do seem to be blowing in my life. There seem to be a lot of shifts and gusts. So, I guess my normally calm existence is due to get a bit more exciting.
Mommie Dearest is headed west.
Okay, first off, Mommie Dearest is a term of endearment. Sort of. My mother wasn’t ever physically abusive. I just think it is funny to call her that. Secondly, when I moved over a thousand miles away from Mommie Dearest twenty-five years ago I had no idea that I’d discover in myself a person whom I really liked and who had been shoved beneath the surface by Mommie Dearest’s controlling ways. Once I moved away I never wanted to go back. And there was a good bit of safety in knowing I never, ever had to live near her again. Or so I thought.
Mommie Dearest is elderly now. Arthritis has crippled her body and she challenged by much of life. She lives in a retirement community in Michigan but a recent family decision has her moving to Colorado in just a few short weeks.
God help me. Literally.
I was a big advocate of the move. I still am. I am also terrified. But, this move allows her to move out of the chilly, damp climate of Michigan to the warmer and dryer air in Colorado. It also allows her to be near family who are willing to see her regularly, help her out frequently and be engaged in her life.
The problem with the plan is that Mommie Dearest is often mean spirited, regularly negative, and always a control freak. In years past when I knew she was coming for a visit I would sink into an uncharacteristic depression days before her arrival. Since the decision to have her move here I have had significant mood swings. Maybe it is because she is planning to move here. Maybe it is because I can’t seem to get my head wrapped around my dissertation or maybe it is because my body seems to be making some plans to start into menopause. I’m not sure which. Maybe all three.
Catch me one minute and I am looking forward to doing what I know is right and best for her. Catch me another minute and I’ll wax philosophical about life change and how I long to embrace it. Another moment might lend itself to different perspectives on aging. And then there are those moments when I want to curl into a fetal position and cry.
Regardless, she’s coming! In three weeks I’ll head back to Michigan and when I return to Colorado it will be with Mommie Dearest in tow. Let the adventure begin!
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