The Accomplishments That Weren't

The calendar has just rolled over to a new year.

(Source: Google Images)

I mention this in case you've been taking a very long nap. It's a new year and as I take stock of the one that just passed I feel pretty good about it. Overall, I accomplished quite a bit. Except for all the things I said I was going to accomplish.

Of those I accomplished nothing.

On my birthday, just before the kickoff of 2014, I read an article about a woman who on her 31st birthday was lamenting several aspects of her life. She had just stepped outside, into a puddle, and was whining to herself when she looked up and saw a Baskin-Robbins ice cream shop. Somehow the ice cream parlor provided her with an epiphany about her own life and how it needed variety, much like the variety of available ice-cream flavors. I'm pretty sure she explained it more eloquently than this but anyhow, even though Baskin-Robbins had dropped the 31 flavors from their name some time ago, she must have been old enough to remember it, and all the whining, puddle-stepping, birthday reflecting, and ice cream flavors fit together into an idea about how to change her life. She decided to ask her friends and family for suggestions of 31 new things she could do in the coming year to broaden her life experience and perspective. I admired her sense of adventure.

I liked the idea so much I decided to write a blog post asking for similar input. Except I wasn't turning 31. I was turning 55. I also wasn't lamenting my life nor had I stepped into a puddle but I guess I just got so caught up in the idea of doing new things that I didn't think the idea through very carefully. I planned to compose a list of 55 of my favorite suggestions. Had I taken the time to consider this I would have realized that doing 55 new things would mean accomplishing more than one per week. This was highly unlikely.

As it was I didn't get 55 ideas. I got 11. And two alternates which I wasn't sure I could commit to. Even so, undertaking 11 new challenges seemed a respectable list and I appreciated the input of those who had chosen to participate.

And that's as far as it went.  Not only did I not accomplish 55 new things, I didn't even accomplish 11.

I didn't even accomplish one.

There are a myriad reasons why I didn't complete my list of eleven new adventures. Probably the most important is that I didn't create a plan for how to accomplish them. The idea was a little hair-brained from the beginning. Without a plan it was pretty much doomed.

I could chastise myself for never even starting. I could call myself a failure or feel bad that I didn't follow through. I could try to hide the fact that I made a public plea for input and then never did a thing with the ideas people provided.

I could. But I won't.

Because whether the idea was a good one or not really doesn't matter. And whether I completed some, all, or none of my list really doesn't matter. I am not defined by what I accomplish. No one is defined by what they accomplished. Not really. There are a lot of people out there accomplishing a lot of great things, but in the end we aren't defined by what we accomplish.

We are defined by how we treat others.

We are defined by our offerings of joy and hope.

We are defined by our demonstrations of charity.

We are defined by the way we are good citizens of the world.

I'll hold on to my list. There are some really good ideas on it and some day I might be lamenting my life and step into a puddle and decide to accomplish them all. Or maybe I'll never accomplish any. It doesn't matter because I'm not defined by my accomplishments.

I am defined by love.

The Birthday List

This week I sent an email to a casting agency expressing my interest in participating as a movie extra. To be clear, I don't make a habit of writing to casting agencies asking for the opportunity to be an extra. The truth is that I've never even considered it before. For one thing, I'm a lousy actress and for another, I'm just not much of a movie fan. Having a part in a movie, however insignificant, never really occurred to me until recently.

The closest I've ever come to this level of fame and fortune is when I lived in Southern California and a friend called to say she had signed me up to audition for Wheel of Fortune with her. I went along gamely and naively with no idea what I was in for. The process for being chosen as a contestant was to sit in a room with a bunch of people at little elementary school desks with paper copies of puzzles to solve. If you passed the first level you were promoted to the next level and on and on to stardom. I think some of the higher level challenges included jumping up and down and acting super excited. I probably could have passed those but having never watched the show I was a bit vague on the puzzle concept and was eliminated in the first round. I sat around waiting for her as she kept moving through the ranks of contestant selection. She made it to the top tier although she was eight months pregnant and I still cringe at the thought of her jumping up and down. In the end I'm not sure she ever got called to be on the show.

(Source: Google Images)

Now that I think about it that story really has nothing to do with being a movie extra.

Anyway, I sent the email to the casting agency and pointed out that I'm particularly talented at exiting a building and walking down the street. That seems to be what a lot of movie extras do. Walk out of buildings and down streets. I'm pretty sure this is my latest calling.

Whether I'll actually get the opportunity to be filmed while leaving a building and walking down the street remains to be seen. But I took the initiative to inquire because it is 2014 and just before my birthday in December I got this crazy idea to ask others to help me compile a list of new, different, and stretching experiences I can accomplish in the coming year. Being an extra in a movie was one of several interesting suggestions.

I didn't end up getting a lot of responses to my request for ideas. I'm not terribly concerned about the number of items on the list, though. I'm happy with what I got and appreciate those who invested time and brain power in helping me compile the list. I believe if I attempt to fulfill the offerings I will accomplish the goal of expanding my horizons somewhat. In some cases I will probably end up looking a little foolish. But perhaps no more so than failing out of the first level of solving Wheel of Fortune puzzles.

Here is the list:

• Learn to play an instrument I love.
• Learn to throw a Frisbee.
• Hike Mt. Elbert.
• Take a foreign language course.
• Be an extra in a movie.
• Take Irish Step Dance lessons.
• Attend several services at the House for All Sinners and Saints church in Denver.
• Take a road trip by myself.
• Learn to skip a stone.
• Write letters to each of my children saying why they are my favorite.
• Stop and talk with a homeless person.

There were three additional ideas that are still under consideration:

• Spin a globe with my eyes closed, stop it with my finger, and visit the place where my finger lands. I love this idea but am thinking I might alter it to a map of Colorado. I'm not sure I would have the funds nor the wherewithal to go anywhere my finger landed. I mean...what if it landed on Afghanistan or the middle of the Arctic Ocean?

• Sing a solo. As much as I love singing I, weirdly, have terrible stage fright. Speaking in front of groups presents no problem for me but singing creates paralyzing anxiety. I have, in fact, performed a couple of solos in my life. They were terror inducing experiences. I haven't decided if I want to try again.

• Let my hair go to it's natural color. This is the least likely suggestion to make the final list. I don't think the suggesters were actually serious about it but whether they were or not, I'm not sure I'm adding it. For one thing, my hair hasn't been it's natural color since I was 12 or something. For another, I'm not sure I'm ready for the whole grey thing just yet. It sounds terribly boring. I'm still thinking about it.

So that's my list. Some of the suggestions sound fun. Some sound scary. Some sound intimidating. Some sound interesting. And most are things I'd never have thought of on my own which is exactly what I wanted.

I don't anticipate being successful at everything on the list. I just anticipate giving them each a try. At the very least by this time next year I hope to be able to say

E _  _ e _  _ e _  _e       i _       t _ e      B e  _  _    T e _  _ _ e _!