Risky Business

I wouldn't exactly call myself a risk-taker.

I'm not willing to jump off a bridge with a big rubber band tied around my waist. Or parachute out of a soaring airplane. Or hike a jagged saw-tooth ridge between 14,000 foot mountain peaks. I don't like physical pain and I'm not willing to mangle by body on purpose. If that's what it takes to be a risk-taker, I don't qualify.

But I do regularly visit my mother. That can be pretty dangerous.

Maybe I'm what you'd call a 'risk-taker lite.'

Recently I came across a quote by philosopher, William James: "It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all." If I could, I'd ask James what he meant by the word risk. However, since he's been dead longer than I've been alive, asking him would require use of a Ouija board or a seance and that whole thing freaks me out too much. That would feel way too risky.

Regardless, maybe he didn't really mean we have to jump from an airplane to feel alive. Or to risk.

Maybe he meant something entirely different. To be sure, risk-taking can mean putting oneself in life threatening situations but I sort of think risk taking has more to do with loving people than potentially shedding blood. For some of us risk taking means offering our hearts. Or sharing our lives. Or just simply trusting. Because sometimes the risk of emotional pain is more frightening than the risk of physical pain.

Nothing makes us feel more alive than loving people.

But, it's a risk.

Like so many, I learned to be emotionally cautious at an early age. I couldn't trust the people I was supposed to be able to trust so it only stood to reason that it was pretty risky to trust other people as well. So I withheld. A lot.

But as I entered adulthood I didn't like feeling only half alive. I wanted to feel fully alive and the only way to do that was to risk being hurt. I started off slowly, sharing my life and investing in relationships. I became more vulnerable. I let others see the genuine me. Gradually as I risked more and more of my heart I started to feel more and more alive.

And I liked it.

Sure, it was risky and I'm far from perfect at it, but over time I've learned that the joy of loving outweighs the pain of being hurt. I can't have one without the other. There's nothing better than the joy of loving my friends and family. Nothing outweighs the warmth of knowing and being known. Nothing is more meaningful than pure and simple love.

Don't look for me to be bungee jumping anytime soon. That's not what I need to feel alive. But you can bet I'll be taking the risk to love.

There's no greater joy in life.